Category: Positivity

Day 3: Good News, Everyone!

423604-futurama-the-bearer-of-good-news-everyone

It looks as though I will be fortunate enough to have this lesson last for a loooong time!  It is…somewhat challenging to never complain.

I have finally arrived at day 3.  Honestly, this is the furthest I have made it so far without having to reset.  I have high hopes of making it to day 4.

Since this is going to take a while, once I finally get through with this, I might just have reprogrammed my brain. The repeated practice has already been more eye-opening than anticipated.  I had assumed that my complaints would be extremely varied. About random stuff. Instead, I have found that they fall into a few main areas. Here are some typical things that might elicit an involuntary complaint, and have me switching over my bracelet in short order: a mild disagreement between my partner and I about how things should be done around the house, being a witness to poor driving during my commute, and any time I am feeling unsatisfied with myself.

Other than all of that crap, I’m golden.  Clearly the solution is live alone in an isolated hut, doing nothing but eating salad, running, writing, singing, sleeping and practicing yoga. Problem solved.

hut

Well, since that doesn’t exactly seem feasible right now, I suppose that I have to work with what life has given me.  I can see that my complaints seem to spring from the places where I am rigid. The places where deviation is not desirable, and where I will protest a movement from the status quo.  Interesting.

I know that I value needlessly rigid methods of organization.  I can only load a dishwasher in neat lines. I believe that there is a “correct” way to fold towels.  I read and follow laundry tags. I clean in a pattern. And then Jason comes along and he does things differently.  And sometimes, I guess I resent that he has disrespected one of my precious systems.  And, I don’t know, I suppose I wind up bitching because I take it personally. Game plan:  Realize that everyone is different, and be more grateful that my partner is good at housework!  Let go of what I can; the dishwasher isn’t personal.

As for driving, well…that’s obvious.  I really value safe driving because I am an anxiety-bag and I really like not dying.  It angers me when people are needlessly reckless, or they’re distracted, or they’re throwing coffee cups out the window.  Ok. Logical enough not liking bad behaviour isn’t crazy. Buuuut, complaining about it doesn’t help either. Game plan: Maintain a positive attitude while driving. If I see someone doing something truly inappropriate on the road, I can do what I can to get their plate number and report them.

I also know that I am more likely to complain if I feel like I am not achieving my fitness goals, if I’ve slept in too much, if I’m wasting too much time, etc.  I need to take care of myself to be in the right frame of mind to do this. Game Plan:  Do my best to live my best life.  When something goes wrong, forgive myself.  Also, take the time to work through/acknowledge negative emotions. Meditation=Better than bitching.

jouster-6182-screenshot2015-03-16at9-25-13pm
Indulging in your own personal self-abuse drama?  There’s your mildew!

Is this enough to get me through 21 days?  I hope so! It’s at least got to be enough to get me to Day 4!

Working to turn complaints into action,

Jennnq

Day 1: The 21-Day No Complaint Challenge

Subtitle:  Missus, Quit Yer Bitchin’

Full disclosure: I had to switch my bracelet over half a dozen times yesterday, so…today is my new Day 1!  We’re off to an auspicious start! (That wasn’t a complaint, I swear!)

Actually, this is completely ok and somewhat expected.  Proponents of this challenge, including Will Bowen himself insist that there is no shame in Day 1.  Here’s a video of him doing/struggling with the challenge. (It’s only 3 minutes long!)

But still, having to switch it like, 6 times?  Even I was a little surprised. I did notice that the complaints that surfaced were these bitchy little throw-away thoughts.  They were grumpy impulse vocalizations about little things around the house, for the most part. So, at the very least, I would say that I am already becoming a little more aware. We will see if that awareness pays off today!

On a totally different note, Jason brought home a foldable craft table yesterday!  I am very happy about this, because it gives me a space to set up my candle-making supplies in the basement!  Candles are fun to make, but a they are a bit time-consuming (they must be left untouched for many hours while drying) and always a little messy.  Up until now, my candle-making operations have been very limited. NOW I can definitely get a few going at once. Look at me, not taking over any kitchen counter space!

20180720_101516
Got an outlet right above the table. BTW, those tights you see are handy for rubbing away slight flaws/ seams left from the candle molds.

 

20180720_101555
Most people’s partners/parents/roommates do NOT want this to happen to their stovetop.  Candles require dedicated materials!

I am currently making a “Goddess” candle for myself.  It contains scrap wax from the last one I had, and I think it’s turning out to be a bit of a smokey blue.  I have zero complaints about that! (I use God and Goddess representation candles in my spiritual practice.)  

20180720_101542.jpg
This is normal.  The first wax pour typically sinks quite a bit.  A second pour is required. It will look like a regular candle soon enough, I promise!

Anyway, having a little time right now to do things like make candles and putter around the house should put me in a very positive frame of mind.  Hopefully making it easier to cut out any and all complaints?

Either way, I am anxious to get the hot plate heated up and to get that second pour on the go!  I can’t wait to get this one out of the mold and onto the altar.

In light and love,

Jennnq

21 Days Complaint-Free

Overall, I would have to say that I am grateful.  How could I not feel fortunate? I am healthy and mostly happy.  I have a partner who is also my friend. Things with the new house are going well.  My teenage offspring and I continue to enjoy a good relationship. (That last bit is not something I take for granted.  I am well-aware that not every parent has this!)

Yet, despite all of the light and love present in my life, I would have to say that I am an EXCELLENT complainer.  

I am a sarcastic and critical over-thinker.  I am extraordinarily capable of poking holes in things.  Sometimes, those skills are actually great! I can take a piece of fiction and deconstruct it six ways from Sunday.  It’s also good to have a grasp on the possible pitfalls and risks, which is something my mind goes to automatically. (In a group of friends, I tend to be the one nagging people to reapply sunscreen and make sure they’re hydrated!) But sometimes… sometimes it just turns into me being an anxiety-bag, and picking the whole world apart, only to wind up annoyed because it doesn’t come up to my exacting standards.

Useless complaining doesn’t help anyone.  Although it may feel good in the moment, It doesn’t resolve the situation.  It doesn’t endear you to the people around you either, and I feel like…sometimes, it can actually stress you out.  If you allow yourself to ruminate in that energy, there is no way you’re going to be a positive person. I would reason that complaining a lot makes it harder to be happy.

I first heard about the 21-day no complaint challenge through productivity guru Tim Ferriss’ blog.  Tim, in turn, had been influenced by Will Bowen, who is a minister, author and motivational speaker.  He is the founder of the “Complaint Free” Movement. (You can find out lots more about that here.)

The idea is so simple; you wear a bracelet as a reminder on your wrist.  Any time you complain, you switch the bracelet to the other wrist and start over again. Eventually, you succeed by surviving a full 21-days complaint-free.

SO SIMPLE.  Yet…the challenge is obvious.  I mean, I’m a positive-thinker, but…I don’t think I know ANYBODY who doesn’t complain, at least a little. Imagine how your mind would change if you never complained.  I mean, talk about cultivating a positive mindset!

Suffice it to say, I can’t really see this particular challenge as anything but positive for an over-thinker like me.  

To clarify, I know that sometimes what could considered “complaining” is actually useful.  The classic example is ordering something in a restaurant and not getting what you wanted. In this instance, yes, you should (nicely) complain!  The difference here is that the complaint is constructive. You deserve a meal that’s to your liking, and bringing the problem to someone’s attention allows it to be resolved.  Constructive complaining, where steps can be taken to resolve a problem, is ok. The complaining that isn’t helpful would be complaining to pass the time, to shame someone else, to make yourself feel better, or to reaffirm a negative belief.  

I suppose that I love a good challenge EVEN MORE than I love a good complaint-filled rant, so I’m going to take today as my DAY 1.  I am not going to purchase a special bracelet from the website, but there are bracelets/packages available, and they appear to come with a variety of supports and extras. You can support the movement and get an official bracelet here: acomplaintfreeworld.org  Instead, I am cheaping out, grabbing a magenta piece of string, and ta-da! a bracelet that I can easily wear without having to take it off at night.

20180719_150000
Maybe I’ll buy a special bracelet from the website eventually, but for now, I think this is fine!

I’ll be posting updates as I move seamlessly and easily toward my day 21.  (Sarcasm is still ok!) Each vocalized complaint means that I have to start again.

Anyone else wanna try this?

Yours in hopeful positivity,

-Jennnq

Sassy Saturday Six

Ah, back to my old irregular posting schedule! 😉  The past two weeks have been tough, given the snowfall amounts that have slammed us and the soggy, ongoing cleanup afterward.  I’m sure a lot of people who might read this have spent a little time hurting from all the shoveling.  (We don’t have a snowblower, so please know that I was out there on the front-lines with you!)  Some reflections from the past couple of weeks:

  1. Physical labour can be intense meditation.  I was reminded of what has always attracted me to jobs with some element of physical challenge; I value the spiritual and mental effects of real, hard work.  It genuinely helps me feel better, clearer and more “myself” when I have had to come through some kind of physical challenge.  
  2. Being really physically tired is awesome for my insomnia.  This is obvious, but…it’s also kind of…not? I didn’t think that I was all that lacking in exercise. In fact, I usually get some physical exercise every day.  However, even if I lift weights in the morning, walk at lunch, and stay pretty much on my feet around the house in the evening, it’s not usually enough to make me just fall into bed early and sleep like a baby.  Chipping away at an ice wall for an hour or more every day? I briefly relearned what it was like to fall asleep easily. I started getting tired more early, and it helped my schedule.  I want to hang on to a little of this change. I think I have kind of…gotten better at mornings because of it.
  3. “We are what we repeatedly do.  Excellence, then, is not an act, but a  habit.” -Aristotle  I like this.  I can say I’m any number of things, but the proof is in the pudding!  We are what we actually devote all of our time to doing.
  4. Gotta love a new-to-me band that keeps putting a smile on my face...https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eAVTo9YCRsE
  5. “Growth only occurs in a state of discomfort” -Bill Eckstrom.  Here’s Bill’s TedX talk about how comfort will ruin your life: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LBvHI1awWaI
  6. I’m almost ready to get my tree-of-life tattoo!  I had my last consult yesterday.  This means that I will be doing my first sitting on March 7th!  Finally!  I am very excited, and I fully intend to post progress pics!

Here’s to spring…it’s just around the corner!

Fabulous Friday Five (On a Saturday!)

(Er…succulent Saturday Six?)

Just a collection of 5 cool things I’m mulling around in my head right now, or currently having an impact on my life…

 

  • A Re-dedication.  Let me start by saying that the return of the “Fabulous Friday Five” was inspired by my spiritual return to my coven-group generally, and by one member in particular.  Hey, I’m happy if anyone cares or is reading this at all, and I am glad beyond measure to feel like I can be of service.  I’m back.

 

  • Book Progress.  Book progress.  Book progress!  It seems that my spiritual life and my writing life are deeply intertwined, and that both have to be up and running properly for either of them to function at all.  I don’t know.  All I know is…I can write again, and I’m hopeful about it, and that’s good.

 

  • A re-examination of gender. I suppose that I never really “got” the importance of drag to some boys.  I like to think that I am up on gender and gender issues, but I RuPaul’s Drag Race has taught me even more.  A  couple of people at work got me into watching it, and I am hooked! It’s a lot more than fantastic wigs, fabulous outfits and impeccable runway walking though.  Some of the contestants are strictly performers.  But for some, this has been a defining part of who they are for most of their lives.                    The show highlights the very constructed nature of gender roles, and how much of one’s appearance is determined by the wearer.  Seemingly ordinary-looking men can morph into the most stunning women.  (Quite often with enviable legs!)  Heck, it even forces me to reconcile the fact that there’s a huge difference between me with no makeup on, and any old outfit, and me when I’ve taken 2 hours to get ready.  It’s a performance.  It’s all a performance.  As RuPaul says, “You’re born naked.  Everything else is drag.”

 

  • Re-discovering silence.  I like to have noise around me almost all the time.  There is usually something playing in the background. I have been guilty of using it to soothe me and keep me company.  But, noise is not where creativity comes from, and as much as it pains me to admit it, I do sometimes have to force myself to turn the music off and let my mind wander.  I making more of an effort to reclaim silence when I can.  The results have been reminding me of why it’s so valuable to the creative process.

 

  • Learning to be a better listener.  I’m lucky.  I may not have a perfect life, but it’s pretty darn great, and emotionally, I think that I’m doing ok.  I have no need to sit around and wallow in my “problems.”  They’re not that bad.  That’s good, because that frees me up my mental real estate to take in what others are saying, and to consciously avoid making the conversation all about me.  It’s all about knowing when to shut up.  I am not the best at doing this, but I HAVE noticed that I’ve been a sounding board for a couple of people lately, and that’s awesome, because I really felt that in those cases the person felt better afterward.  I don’t mind if people vent to me, especially if it makes them feel better. I just have to be sure to not hang on to the energy afterward!

 

  • Bonus quote, since I really did mean to have this out yesterday:  

 

“I have no special talents. I am only passionately curious”

-Einstein

A Forest In Fall

I don’t always have the chance to go, but there is a wooded area behind where I work, and on my lunch breaks I sometimes venture up there. When I do, I find myself blissfully alone in what I consider to be a mind-blowingly beautiful place.

unnamed-4
Makes it hard not to feel a twinge of hope, y’know?

My pictures don’t do it justice.  I hardly think they could.  Not until they can capture a perfect panoramic shot, along with the brightness of colours alive in the moist air, and combine it all of it with the actual feeling of being there.  I only hope there is some shadow of how it seems to me reflected in the pictures I snap with my phone.

unnamed-8
Gotta love that clean air. (The crowd’s not too judgmental, either!)

Apart from when I indulge in dramatic makeup and costumes, most of the pictures I take of myself are “forest selfies.” Me, against a backdrop of trees left to grow of their own accord.  Embarrassing, perhaps, but it makes sense.  I am trying to capture the state in which I feel I am being my most authentic self.

In the wilderness, things like choice of clothing are of little consequence.  Somber or bright, as long as I am warm, comfortable, and not hitching my hem on the trees, I’m fine. (Still, because I walk directly up from work, I admit that I do sometimes wear wilderness-questionable outfits out on the trail anyway!)  

Like any immediate concerns about appearance, most modern distractions become so much nothing in the forest. My social media presence and number of Twitter followers are infinitely less interesting than this one particular tree I was fascinated by. It stood “alone” in a crowd; surrounded by trees of different species. Yet it was the one dripping in sunlight. I wondered if anyone else had ever even seen it look like that  before.

unnamed-1
Don’t be afraid to be different…
unnamed-2
It was so much more shiny in reality. I love the pluck of this sun-struck tree!

I miss the outside when I don’t go.  I work indoors now, and when the days are busy and long, or cold and miserable, I don’t go to the woods at all.  It bothers me not to have this tiny escape.  The urge to follow the path to the trees some days is quite insistent.  

 

When I worked as a mail carrier, Mother Nature didn’t have to push me quite so hard. Outdoors was a given. I couldn’t help but observe natural cycles in action.  I brushed past buds and first crocuses. I was met by fall bugs seeking warmth in the crevices of dark mailboxes. I even, in the right place at the very right moment, caught a glimpse of late-summer Blue Flag Iris growing wild.  In short,I saw the change of the seasons as easily as I read the words on the envelopes and fliers between my fingertips.

unnamed-15
One of my more recent shots. The forest is changing again!

I have to force myself to pay a little more attention now.  Like so many others, I don’t have to go outside.  It’s just something I endeavour to do.  I am fallible.  I am easily distracted.

Still, even at my most distracted, I think Autumn has always been my favourite.  The trees themselves may be bare or nearly so, but the wooded landscape is far from lifeless. I love the moss, and the brilliant shades it boasts, even late into the season.. I love the cacophony of the leaves that litter the ground.  I also cannot help but love the proliferation of strange mushrooms in their multitude of unexpected shapes and arrangements. You might find the strangest specimen standing alone, or a circle of frilly brothers and sisters keeping unexpected vigil. I love those perfect days where the temperature is just crisp enough to tell you to keep moving, and to whisper of impending winter.

unnamed-14
This is pretty amazing to me. Fungus is neato!

I have a history of wandering.  Trails through the forest, going precisely nowhere, suit me perfectly.  I love the mystery that lurks there, and the fact that we as humans don’t fully understand everything about how it works.

Life is complicated.  2016 has been so hard on so many people. This fact only heightens for me the spiritual importance of creating a built-in time-out.  Ordinary breathing space on ordinary days. I’m not saying a walk in the forest will cure your sadness.  I’m just saying there’s a lot that clean air, mossy undergrowth and being awed by the wilderness can fix.

Yours in continued observations and aimless wanderings,

-Jennnq

unnamed-3
Me, pretty much in my happy place.

Happiness Tips for the Unemployed (and Underemployed)

Society is pretty relentless in showing us what “success” looks like.  We know it well from television shows, music videos and social media.  It is a sun-drenched life of privilege and freedom.  It is a life where money is no object, and where everyone is almost effortlessly beautiful and popular.  It is, of course, what many of us want for ourselves.

Unfortunately, lots of us must grow up to face a life that looks very different from the life of our hopes and dreams. No one’s goal is to be unemployed, or to feel underemployed and underutilized at work.  The child within us, the one with the big ideas, cannot help but become dissatisfied.  Where are those awards?  The accolades?  Where is the totally sweet company car?  Where is all the money that the media tells us over and over again that if we just work really really hard for, we will certainly get?  (Not to mention the big house, the beautiful, adoring partner, the luxurious vacations and, these days, the thousands of online followers!)

It can seem like we want to collectively sweep anyone who isn’t at the top of their game under the rug.  Like we would rather ignore them until they get their eyebrows on fleek and some dolla dolla bills in their bank account.  That’s hell on the ego, and with the current Newfoundland budget, it could also turn into a lot of sweeping.  

So, what do you do if you’re the one facing tough times?  How do you keep up your happy if your life isn’t quite the vision of success you were hoping to achieve by now?  

Without further ado, here are my top ten tips for keeping your sanity, and your good mojo going when you are out of work, frustrated with your work situation or otherwise under financial strain.

  1. Pull yourself together!  The temptation exists to let yourself slide when your prospects take a downturn.  Fight this urge.  Get dressed and put on your face, if that’s what you need to do to make yourself feel great. (Eyeliner makes me feel better every time!)  Wear decent clothes.  Eat a sensible meal.  Make sure your household mess is tamed to a dull-roar.  It’s cheesy, but when you make your world look and feel better, it’s hard not to be at least a little happier.
  2. Honestly assess your situation.  It’s more convenient to play ostrich, but it’s way better for you to get this entire bummer situation out into the open first.  This could mean that you sit down alone with an open computer and an open mind, and/or this might be a conversation you have with your partner.  Either way, get out that budgeting app and look up your bank accounts too.  It’s time for a thorough examination of where you are, so that you can get a handle on what it will take to get to where you need to be.  Are your expenses basically covered?  Can you afford to save anything? Do you have a cushion in case things get worse?  Is there any spending you could conceivably cut back on?
  3. Take the best financial care of yourself possible.  Once you’ve taken stock, you can make a goal-oriented plan. Seeing a way to move forward the best way to fight the blues!  You might not get a job (or a raise) today, but you can at least be informed enough to know where you’re headed.  (It may be highly beneficial to read up on finances, or seek out a financial adviser.)
    Also, if you need to submit time-sensitive forms, (for EI purposes for example), make sure you do so early.  Write those due dates down, or put reminders in your technology!  It is depressing to have to ask for money, sure.  It is more depressing to have NO MONEY because you didn’t take the time to do some basic steps.
  4. GO OUTSIDE.  It turns out that staying inside worrying and staring at a computer screen isn’t very happiness-inducing.  Don’t do this to yourself.  You DO have permission to go outside.  Even if it’s just for a little while, and especially if it’s sunny out.  I never come back home and think, ah damn, I shouldn’t have taken that half hour walk in the sunshine.  
  5. Plan your days.  If you go to bed knowing that you have no definite plans tomorrow, it can really drag you down.  But wait…why don’t you have any plans?  You may not be working, but, are you allocating some specific amount of your time to looking for a job?  Do you still practice your hobbies? Do you make time for that walk we just talked about?  A full, planned day when you are not working will keep your spirits up, and help you be more productive.
  6. Maintain a BUDGET.   I mentioned a budgeting app earlier.  It doesn’t have to be an app, but that’s certainly one convenient way to go.  I am surprised by the number of adults I know who don’t keep track of personal finances somehow.  It is so worthwhile!  If you don’t want to use app and you like excel, or some other method, use that, but do something.  Simply ‘hoping for the best’ money-wise is rarely a prudent approach. Track your budget, and actually log what you spend your money on. You could be very surprised!  
  7. Don’t fixate.  If you are taking good financial care of yourself, you are allocating time in your day for your job hunt, and you are trying your best to be on top of your budget, give yourself a break.  You can worry about money when you do budget stuff, or when you actually sit down to pay the bills, but not for the rest of the day.  If you have to, you could even write down your money worries to address later when you find them cropping up in your mind.  You are allowed to use your mind for other things.  (Yes, you are even allowed to be happy!)
  8. Hobbies.  You have to do the things that make you “you,” even if you feel down. Whether it’s singing, or lawn darts, or Filipino stick fighting, or putting together giant puzzles in the basement, include some time in your plan for things that bring you genuine joy.  These small pockets of activity will brighten your mood, and that tends to spill over into the rest of your life.  
  9. Treat yourself.  Ok, if money is tight and/or you’re between jobs, this might not amount to a weekend at a fancy resort.  How about a new lipstick?  A cool t-shirt?  A haircut or a book to read?  Even if your resources are limited, you can usually afford the occasional something that puts a smile on your face.  Plan to make those small indulgences semi-regularly.  
    If even a few dollars seems impossible, make a list of non-monetary treats you can rotate through.  You and your partner could exchange 15-minute massages.  You could make a date with a friend for a walk in the park.  You could make a trip to your local library. You could take a long, leisurely hour of yoga.  The most important thing is that this be a brief celebration of you!  We are all human after all, and  we all need some excitement…just like how every calorie-counter needs a cheat meal!
  10. Maintain Your Contacts and Stay Professional.  It is important to not let any simmering resentment cloud your judgement on what constitutes “professional” behaviour.  Do not burn bridges.  Do not spurn former colleagues.  Do not simply disappear either.  Instead, challenge yourself to keep on top of your industry.  Study up.  Periodically email people whom you admire in your field.  Check out forums surrounding whatever it is you do.  You will feel much better if you are a part of the conversation.
    As well, remember that employers typically waste no time in checking whatever publicly available information there is to be had on prospective employees.  This underscores the need for an impeccable online profile.  Make sure you represent yourself well in general.  Are you someone YOU would hire?   

    All in all, good luck, keep that smile on your face, and keep trying. I really do know it’s tough out there!
    -Jennnq

    Manatee