Mom seems to be handling this whole thing remarkably well. I was afraid initially that she would make everything worse on herself with stress and worry, as that would be easy to do! Instead, she has been doing a commendable job of focusing on the things that she loves and that are important to her. She spends a lot of time in nature.
I find it hard to deal with the fact that Mom was fine up until the time she found the lump. Living her life with no idea that this was brewing, and no outward sign of sickness. Cancer can quietly creep along as you lead a full and healthy-seeming life.
Although it is up to my mom to choose what she will and won’t incorporate into her life, the good vibes and the well-wishes do matter. Everyone rallying around her matters. Talking to people who have had cancer and conquered it...all of it matters. It matters to us, but most of all, it matters to my mom.
But like, it’s a pandemic, not a fun little experiment in telework. Therefore, I am reminded that I must cut myself some slack. The news and reality of what is happening in the world weighs on my soul, just like I’m sure it does for everyone else. I was wrong to assume that I could corral my life into a tightly orchestrated routine.
It’s so poetic and counterintuitive that there is freedom to be found in structure. Weird to say, but I guess I like structure. I like having a morning routine to set me to rights, and a night routine to put myself to bed. These things can become indispensable companions in a world that’s topsy turvy.
Experiencing jealousy is completely normal. Wait, let me say it again, just in case you missed it...
Getting jealous is normal.
It doesn’t make you bad, or immoral. It is not proof that you are a terrible person or a terrible friend.
Everyone’s storm story is different, and hell, I’m home now on the EIGHTH DAY, so I may as well tell you ours. Oh, and I’ll try to throw in a few pictures along the way!
It started at 5:45 this evening. It began as a tiny whisper. Something about it having been a “stressful” Monday, and how nice a big glass of red would be. Just one. It nagged at me, as it tried to convince me that one glass of wine was downright healthy. Perfect with dinner. A great... Continue Reading →
Honesty time. After saying I was going to quit red wine, I did a thing that a lot of drinkers do; I decided that one last “hurrah” was ok. You know, to say a proper goodbye. That opportunity was perfectly presented to me yesterday. My partner, who shall henceforth be known as Mr. Stardust, decided... Continue Reading →
Recently I said something about quitting alcohol. Er...about that... Yep, you guessed it, regrettably, this effort did not stick. I don’t think that I took it seriously enough. I backslid. I fell back into red wine, and also I drank fancy gin and tonics over the Christmas holidays. (I highly enjoyed them. Amazing with limes.) However,... Continue Reading →