Full disclosure: I had to switch my bracelet over half a dozen times yesterday, so…today is my new Day 1! We’re off to an auspicious start! (That wasn’t a complaint, I swear!)
Actually, this is completely ok and somewhat expected. Proponents of this challenge, including Will Bowen himself insist that there is no shame in Day 1. Here’s a video of him doing/struggling with the challenge. (It’s only 3 minutes long!)
But still, having to switch it like, 6 times? Even I was a little surprised. I did notice that the complaints that surfaced were these bitchy little throw-away thoughts. They were grumpy impulse vocalizations about little things around the house, for the most part. So, at the very least, I would say that I am already becoming a little more aware. We will see if that awareness pays off today!
On a totally different note, Jason brought home a foldable craft table yesterday! I am very happy about this, because it gives me a space to set up my candle-making supplies in the basement! Candles are fun to make, but a they are a bit time-consuming (they must be left untouched for many hours while drying) and always a little messy. Up until now, my candle-making operations have been very limited. NOW I can definitely get a few going at once. Look at me, not taking over any kitchen counter space!
Got an outlet right above the table. BTW, those tights you see are handy for rubbing away slight flaws/ seams left from the candle molds.
Most people’s partners/parents/roommates do NOT want this to happen to their stovetop. Candles require dedicated materials!
I am currently making a “Goddess” candle for myself. It contains scrap wax from the last one I had, and I think it’s turning out to be a bit of a smokey blue. I have zero complaints about that! (I use God and Goddess representation candles in my spiritual practice.)
This is normal. The first wax pour typically sinks quite a bit. A second pour is required. It will look like a regular candle soon enough, I promise!
Anyway, having a little time right now to do things like make candles and putter around the house should put me in a very positive frame of mind. Hopefully making it easier to cut out any and all complaints?
Either way, I am anxious to get the hot plate heated up and to get that second pour on the go! I can’t wait to get this one out of the mold and onto the altar.
Overall, I would have to say that I am grateful. How could I not feel fortunate? I am healthy and mostly happy. I have a partner who is also my friend. Things with the new house are going well. My teenage offspring and I continue to enjoy a good relationship. (That last bit is not something I take for granted. I am well-aware that not every parent has this!)
Yet, despite all of the light and love present in my life, I would have to say that I am an EXCELLENT complainer.
I am a sarcastic and critical over-thinker. I am extraordinarily capable of poking holes in things. Sometimes, those skills are actually great! I can take a piece of fiction and deconstruct it six ways from Sunday. It’s also good to have a grasp on the possible pitfalls and risks, which is something my mind goes to automatically. (In a group of friends, I tend to be the one nagging people to reapply sunscreen and make sure they’re hydrated!) But sometimes… sometimes it just turns into me being an anxiety-bag, and picking the whole world apart, only to wind up annoyed because it doesn’t come up to my exacting standards.
Useless complaining doesn’t help anyone. Although it may feel good in the moment, It doesn’t resolve the situation. It doesn’t endear you to the people around you either, and I feel like…sometimes, it can actually stress you out. If you allow yourself to ruminate in that energy, there is no way you’re going to be a positive person. I would reason that complaining a lot makes it harder to be happy.
I first heard about the 21-day no complaint challenge through productivity guru Tim Ferriss’ blog. Tim, in turn, had been influenced by Will Bowen, who is a minister, author and motivational speaker. He is the founder of the “Complaint Free” Movement. (You can find out lots more about that here.)
The idea is so simple; you wear a bracelet as a reminder on your wrist. Any time you complain, you switch the bracelet to the other wrist and start over again. Eventually, you succeed by surviving a full 21-days complaint-free.
SO SIMPLE. Yet…the challenge is obvious. I mean, I’m a positive-thinker, but…I don’t think I know ANYBODY who doesn’t complain, at least a little. Imagine how your mind would change if you never complained. I mean, talk about cultivating a positive mindset!
Suffice it to say, I can’t really see this particular challenge as anything but positive for an over-thinker like me.
To clarify, I know that sometimes what could considered “complaining” is actually useful. The classic example is ordering something in a restaurant and not getting what you wanted. In this instance, yes, you should (nicely) complain! The difference here is that the complaint is constructive. You deserve a meal that’s to your liking, and bringing the problem to someone’s attention allows it to be resolved. Constructive complaining, where steps can be taken to resolve a problem, is ok. The complaining that isn’t helpful would be complaining to pass the time, to shame someone else, to make yourself feel better, or to reaffirm a negative belief.
I suppose that I love a good challenge EVEN MORE than I love a good complaint-filled rant, so I’m going to take today as my DAY 1. I am not going to purchase a special bracelet from the website, but there are bracelets/packages available, and they appear to come with a variety of supports and extras. You can support the movement and get an official bracelet here: acomplaintfreeworld.org Instead, I am cheaping out, grabbing a magenta piece of string, and ta-da! a bracelet that I can easily wear without having to take it off at night.
Maybe I’ll buy a special bracelet from the website eventually, but for now, I think this is fine!
I’ll be posting updates as I move seamlessly and easily toward my day 21. (Sarcasm is still ok!) Each vocalized complaint means that I have to start again.
Ah, back to my old irregular posting schedule! 😉 The past two weeks have been tough, given the snowfall amounts that have slammed us and the soggy, ongoing cleanup afterward. I’m sure a lot of people who might read this have spent a little time hurting from all the shoveling. (We don’t have a snowblower, so please know that I was out there on the front-lines with you!) Some reflections from the past couple of weeks:
Physical labour can be intense meditation. I was reminded of what has always attracted me to jobs with some element of physical challenge; I value the spiritual and mental effects of real, hard work. It genuinely helps me feel better, clearer and more “myself” when I have had to come through some kind of physical challenge.
Being really physically tired is awesome for my insomnia. This is obvious, but…it’s also kind of…not? I didn’t think that I was all that lacking in exercise. In fact, I usually get some physical exercise every day. However, even if I lift weights in the morning, walk at lunch, and stay pretty much on my feet around the house in the evening, it’s not usually enough to make me just fall into bed early and sleep like a baby. Chipping away at an ice wall for an hour or more every day? I briefly relearned what it was like to fall asleep easily. I started getting tired more early, and it helped my schedule. I want to hang on to a little of this change. I think I have kind of…gotten better at mornings because of it.
“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” -Aristotle I like this. I can say I’m any number of things, but the proof is in the pudding! We are what we actually devote all of our time to doing.
I’m almost ready to get my tree-of-life tattoo! I had my last consult yesterday. This means that I will be doing my first sitting on March 7th! Finally! I am very excited, and I fully intend to post progress pics!
Just a collection of 5 cool things I’m mulling around in my head right now, or currently having an impact on my life…
A Re-dedication. Let me start by saying that the return of the “Fabulous Friday Five” was inspired by my spiritual return to my coven-group generally, and by one member in particular. Hey, I’m happy if anyone cares or is reading this at all, and I am glad beyond measure to feel like I can be of service. I’m back.
Book Progress. Book progress. Book progress! It seems that my spiritual life and my writing life are deeply intertwined, and that both have to be up and running properly for either of them to function at all. I don’t know. All I know is…I can write again, and I’m hopeful about it, and that’s good.
A re-examination of gender. I suppose that I never really “got” the importance of drag to some boys. I like to think that I am up on gender and gender issues, but I RuPaul’s Drag Race has taught me even more. A couple of people at work got me into watching it, and I am hooked! It’s a lot more than fantastic wigs, fabulous outfits and impeccable runway walking though. Some of the contestants are strictly performers. But for some, this has been a defining part of who they are for most of their lives. The show highlights the very constructed nature of gender roles, and how much of one’s appearance is determined by the wearer. Seemingly ordinary-looking men can morph into the most stunning women. (Quite often with enviable legs!) Heck, it even forces me to reconcile the fact that there’s a huge difference between me with no makeup on, and any old outfit, and me when I’ve taken 2 hours to get ready. It’s a performance. It’s all a performance. As RuPaul says, “You’re born naked. Everything else is drag.”
Re-discovering silence. I like to have noise around me almost all the time. There is usually something playing in the background. I have been guilty of using it to soothe me and keep me company. But, noise is not where creativity comes from, and as much as it pains me to admit it, I do sometimes have to force myself to turn the music off and let my mind wander. I making more of an effort to reclaim silence when I can. The results have been reminding me of why it’s so valuable to the creative process.
Learning to be a better listener. I’m lucky. I may not have a perfect life, but it’s pretty darn great, and emotionally, I think that I’m doing ok. I have no need to sit around and wallow in my “problems.” They’re not that bad. That’s good, because that frees me up my mental real estate to take in what others are saying, and to consciously avoid making the conversation all about me. It’s all about knowing when to shut up. I am not the best at doing this, but I HAVE noticed that I’ve been a sounding board for a couple of people lately, and that’s awesome, because I really felt that in those cases the person felt better afterward. I don’t mind if people vent to me, especially if it makes them feel better. I just have to be sure to not hang on to the energy afterward!
Bonus quote, since I really did mean to have this out yesterday:
“I have no special talents. I am only passionately curious”
I don’t always have the chance to go, but there is a wooded area behind where I work, and on my lunch breaks I sometimes venture up there. When I do, I find myself blissfully alone in what I consider to be a mind-blowingly beautiful place.
Makes it hard not to feel a twinge of hope, y’know?
My pictures don’t do it justice. I hardly think they could. Not until they can capture a perfect panoramic shot, along with the brightness of colours alive in the moist air, and combine it all of it with the actual feeling of being there. I only hope there is some shadow of how it seems to me reflected in the pictures I snap with my phone.
Gotta love that clean air. (The crowd’s not too judgmental, either!)
Apart from when I indulge in dramatic makeup and costumes, most of the pictures I take of myself are “forest selfies.” Me, against a backdrop of trees left to grow of their own accord. Embarrassing, perhaps, but it makes sense. I am trying to capture the state in which I feel I am being my most authentic self.
In the wilderness, things like choice of clothing are of little consequence. Somber or bright, as long as I am warm, comfortable, and not hitching my hem on the trees, I’m fine. (Still, because I walk directly up from work, I admit that I do sometimes wear wilderness-questionable outfits out on the trail anyway!)
Like any immediate concerns about appearance, most modern distractions become so much nothing in the forest. My social media presence and number of Twitter followers are infinitely less interesting than this one particular tree I was fascinated by. It stood “alone” in a crowd; surrounded by trees of different species. Yet it was the one dripping in sunlight. I wondered if anyone else had ever even seen it look like that before.
Don’t be afraid to be different…It was so much more shiny in reality. I love the pluck of this sun-struck tree!
I miss the outside when I don’t go. I work indoors now, and when the days are busy and long, or cold and miserable, I don’t go to the woods at all. It bothers me not to have this tiny escape. The urge to follow the path to the trees some days is quite insistent.
When I worked as a mail carrier, Mother Nature didn’t have to push me quite so hard. Outdoors was a given. I couldn’t help but observe natural cycles in action. I brushed past buds and first crocuses. I was met by fall bugs seeking warmth in the crevices of dark mailboxes. I even, in the right place at the very right moment, caught a glimpse of late-summer Blue Flag Iris growing wild. In short,I saw the change of the seasons as easily as I read the words on the envelopes and fliers between my fingertips.
One of my more recent shots. The forest is changing again!
I have to force myself to pay a little more attention now. Like so many others, I don’t have to go outside. It’s just something I endeavour to do. I am fallible. I am easily distracted.
Still, even at my most distracted, I think Autumn has always been my favourite. The trees themselves may be bare or nearly so, but the wooded landscape is far from lifeless. I love the moss, and the brilliant shades it boasts, even late into the season.. I love the cacophony of the leaves that litter the ground. I also cannot help but love the proliferation of strange mushrooms in their multitude of unexpected shapes and arrangements. You might find the strangest specimen standing alone, or a circle of frilly brothers and sisters keeping unexpected vigil. I love those perfect days where the temperature is just crisp enough to tell you to keep moving, and to whisper of impending winter.
This is pretty amazing to me. Fungus is neato!
I have a history of wandering. Trails through the forest, going precisely nowhere, suit me perfectly. I love the mystery that lurks there, and the fact that we as humans don’t fully understand everything about how it works.
Life is complicated. 2016 has been so hard on so many people. This fact only heightens for me the spiritual importance of creating a built-in time-out. Ordinary breathing space on ordinary days. I’m not saying a walk in the forest will cure your sadness. I’m just saying there’s a lot that clean air, mossy undergrowth and being awed by the wilderness can fix.
Yours in continued observations and aimless wanderings,
Earlier today I was writing some intense, navel-gazing foolishness about me, and all my complex inner workings, and how I had been feeling sad recently. (A lot of the reason why I haven’t been writing here much.)
A whole bunch of journal-appropriate venting about how I might seem one way, and be feeling another.
The drama.
That kind of writing never really works for me. Every time I try to explain about my own mental health, I just sort of graze over it. Fluff it up. Work around it. Never depressed. Maybe just “blue.” “Anxious,” not, “suffering from relentless anxiety.” Obviously, there are reasons for that, (who likes to admit to what is often perceived as weakness?) but I think that I’m ready to skip all of that crap for today.
Hence I’m scrapping most of what I wrote. Even some of the pretty words. No need to dance around how I feel or who I am. There’s also need for me to make myself out to be some kind of victim, or to feel sorry for myself because I am this extra-sensitive, squishy person on the inside. No need to play myself a tiny sonata on a teensy-tiny violin.
I’m not actually “crazy.” I may like to dance and sing and dye my hair green, and I may spontaneously decide that I ABSOLUTELY MUST LEARN HOW TO YODEL, but I’m not now, nor have I ever been “crazy” in the negative sense of that loaded word. I am firmly in this reality. I am not dangerous. I am non-violent. I am intelligent and loving and do not intend to do harm to myself or to anyone else.
But yeah, in case I haven’t made it clear, I know a little about anxiety and depression.
The world we live in, how our lives our designed, and the pace of life mean there are so many others like me; regular people who happen to be no stranger to inner darkness and self-doubt, or seem to have an over-active panic-button. If you don’t deal with those things, well, congratulations, because I hardly think they make me special. (Watch an all-news station for a while and try to keep yourself in a good mood! Attempt to attain a laundry list of societal check-boxes deemed necessary to make one ‘successful’ and stay relaxed!)
But it’s FRIDAY, and I really do feel fine, after all. I don’t really want to wallow, or sing a song about the darkness.
(Although I’d be happy to listen to something BY The Darkness…)
If you’re like me, I don’t think you should either. Plan to do something this weekend that gets your blood flowing and makes you happy. Don’t get lost in your own head. Find a reason to be grateful. Hug your cat. Phone a friend. Get distracted!
Critical Happiness 