Tag: gratitude

An Unexpected Peace

I surprised myself this morning by waking up feeling dead calm.  Not stressed at all. Not even the slightest hint of anxiety.  I felt healthy and centered.  Wow, this was unexpected. What a gift! 

Nearly my first thought upon waking was, what have I done lately to deserve this?  Have I kept a perfect diet? No.  Has my sleep been optimal?  No.  Have I been meditating lots and lots?  Nope!  Honestly, I haven’t done anything really out of the ordinary. Nothing special.  Nothing that I can put my finger on that’s distinctly repeatable.  In the end, I have to sigh and accept it; I have no way to bottle this feeling and save it for another time!

Oh, well. In my current state, this doesn’t bother me much.   All things are transient.  I will feel stress again.  I will feel even more fantastic than this again someday, too.  I can only be here. Now.

(Whoa, who am I, and what have I done to the real Jennnq??)

Another, slightly more disturbing thought also came into my mind.  This must be a bad sign.  I am high energy by nature.  It’s not generally a good omen when I get quiet, focused and serious.  It usually means that something bad is happening.  A small part of me fears this strangely “balanced” feeling, because I tend to get really out-of-character levels of focus when things are about to get REALLY bad.  Like, personal tragedy levels of bad.  Like life-changing and scary levels of bad. 

I’ve only met her a few times, but there is a very different side of me who takes over when things are dire.  She’s a version of me who sidesteps self-doubt because she simply no longer has time for it.  She knows that shit is happening RIGHT NOW, and therefore, she must act RIGHT NOW.  She looks people dead in the eye and tells them what to do, if that’s what is required.  She’s not a bitch, but she will assume a leadership role if no one else is stepping up.

 That’s not me.  Not the normal me, anyway.  Although I’m a little bit proud to know that she’s hiding in there. Strong and resilient, beneath this nervous, colourful outer layer.  

But why now? Why am I like this now?  Is my brain just sick of anxiety?  Has all of my past meditation paid off all at once?  Perhaps it is best just to enjoy this feeling for what it is.  This is much better than freaking out. (I suppose that I will have to stop thinking of this side of myself as a harbinger of doom!)

I wish I could tell you how this came together for me today. Since I can’t, all I will say is that I genuinely hope the same for you.  I hope that you are also finding some moments of peace and tranquility.  What a mess out there.

Reasons to Be Cheerful

I’ve been doing quite a bit of writing lately, but I’m not sure it’s a great idea to put it up here. Some of it is has been more therapeutic than anything else.  It’s been more like ranting than anything I’d want to post publicly.  It’s revealing, but it’s not necessarily what one would consider to be “good content.”

Plus, it’s a bit of a bummer. Who wants to hear about all of the worst stuff in my past and how hard it’s been to get over? What a fun trip that’ll be! 

I thought that maybe instead of an airing of grievances/ inner demons, I would keep today’s post a bit more light. Today, let’s focus on the good stuff.  Today, let’s talk gratitude.

It’s best to skip the “airing of grievances.”
We’re past the time for Festivus, anyway.

It takes a little effort for someone like me to remain cheerful.  One thing that works is to consciously acknowledge the things for which I am grateful.  Yes, sometimes this feels about as appealing to me as eating a big ol’ pile of brussel sprouts, but it’s worth it.  Lately I’ve been forcing myself to take the time to list a minimum of three gratitudes per day. 

Usually, by the time I have made myself come up with the 3 things for my gratitude list, I have also managed to force my brain to cheer up, at least a little. It’s weird.  It’s like this act tricks your brain into switching gears.  Something magical happens when you make a point of remembering to think of things you’re grateful for, even when you don’t feel like it.

With apologies to Ian Dury, here is a very incomplete list of “reasons to be cheerful” I’ve found lately:

  • Cats when they are excited and playing
  • Fireplaces ablaze in winter
  • Jason having to drive me to work and being totally awesome about it
  • Neil Gaiman’s writing
  • Amethyst crystals
  • Pretty notebooks
  • Chats with Micah (my son)
  • Waffles’ cold green eyes (my cat)
  • Really amazing highlighters
  • How pretty it looks when it’s snowing
  • Earmuffs (so cute!)
  • That so many of my co-workers are nice
  • Working with my physiotherapist
  • Pay day
  • The entire fact that cats exist
  • Weird dreams that make you question things
  • Raspberries
  • Black tea
  • The fact that Jason still loves me
  • Fancy coffee from Toslow (tiny coffee shop here)
  • The Ridiculous History podcast
  • Warm showers
  • Truly smooth jazz
  • Amy Landino videos (she’s a little too perfect, but she’s so inspirational!)
  • Things that are lime green
  • How good it feels to hold a mug of warm coffee
  • Shiny lipgloss
  • Suddenly finding an object you lost
  • Curry
  • Wearing cat ears at work (I do this alllll the time!)
  • How truly kind and thoughtful Jason is
  • Sesame snaps
  • People who smile at you and hold doors

It’s not earth-shattering stuff, but it’s so valuable to remember these little things.  Even the act of writing out this list (taken from my daily gratitude lists this past while) has put me in a better mood.

Not to get all “productivity guru” on you, but I encourage you to make a habit of writing down a few gratitudes a day.  I never used to do it either, but it’s so uplifting  Gratitude is worth it!  It pretty much always improves your mental state and perspective.

Oh, and here’s the Ian Dury song I stole for my title.  Gotta love The Blockheads!

 

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