This is late, and I’ve been quiet lately, but here’s to a serene Yule.
I’m crafting candles in the basement, and an unexpected calm has washed over me. Whatever you believe, if you listen hard enough, I think you can find it too. ❄️
This season’s hush prompts me to reflect, and that is a dangerous business. It gets me hauling the ugly parts and past hurts out of storage—a delicate unraveling of emotions, shaking off the dust to see what to hold onto and what to release.
Pain. There’s been pain this year. A lot of it isn’t mine, but here it is, mixed up in my things. Death. A baby who wasn’t. Injury. Dreams that withered on the vine.
The scent of pine from the candle pot makes these memories a little more tolerable. The universe may be an enigma, but faith, like a trusted companion, remains.
Tears. Frustration. A hint of disappointment. It hasn’t been the best year. Yet a smile comes to me as I hear Jason again in my mind. “I love you. Let’s travel.”
Stir the pot. Release the scent. Take the temperature.
I’ve never really been anywhere. Well, with a mind like mine, I feel as though I’ve traversed vast landscapes, but physically, I’ve been anchored. Something I need to change.
I bundle up when I’m down here.
In the frosty basement, I ponder our human fragility—no fur, just exposed feelings.
Fragile. So easily harmed.
My brother is lucky he walked away from his car accident. And fortunate that he is a stronger person now than he was a few years ago. Committed to doing his best. I like that.
Is there such a thing as powerful peace? That’s what I feel. Like it can eat my worries. One by one. Like I can burn them off like so much steam coming from the pot.
This year ushered in new connections and rekindled old ones. I’m grateful. People to lean on and joke with in times of trouble…it matters. It means so much.
I always need to slow down when I pour candles. Control it. Aim for the center, don’t splash the sides. Check the position of the wick.
The other night, I went out and unexpectedly felt beautiful. I am not always the most confident person, and I wasn’t aiming to feel stunning, but I did. I felt good. I seem to see more of that side of myself as the years go by. As if the small imperfections that once drove me mad mean less-a delicate dance between self-assurance and compassion. I’d like to see even more of that confidence in myself in 2024.
So here’s to Yule, to age and to time. Here’s to these vessels for confidence and conduits for empathy. May the years continue to weave their magic.
I’ve enough candles to weave mine.
Tag: Candles
Day 1: The 21-Day No Complaint Challenge
Subtitle: Missus, Quit Yer Bitchin’
Full disclosure: I had to switch my bracelet over half a dozen times yesterday, so…today is my new Day 1! We’re off to an auspicious start! (That wasn’t a complaint, I swear!)
Actually, this is completely ok and somewhat expected. Proponents of this challenge, including Will Bowen himself insist that there is no shame in Day 1. Here’s a video of him doing/struggling with the challenge. (It’s only 3 minutes long!)
But still, having to switch it like, 6 times? Even I was a little surprised. I did notice that the complaints that surfaced were these bitchy little throw-away thoughts. They were grumpy impulse vocalizations about little things around the house, for the most part. So, at the very least, I would say that I am already becoming a little more aware. We will see if that awareness pays off today!
On a totally different note, Jason brought home a foldable craft table yesterday! I am very happy about this, because it gives me a space to set up my candle-making supplies in the basement! Candles are fun to make, but a they are a bit time-consuming (they must be left untouched for many hours while drying) and always a little messy. Up until now, my candle-making operations have been very limited. NOW I can definitely get a few going at once. Look at me, not taking over any kitchen counter space!
I am currently making a “Goddess” candle for myself. It contains scrap wax from the last one I had, and I think it’s turning out to be a bit of a smokey blue. I have zero complaints about that! (I use God and Goddess representation candles in my spiritual practice.)
Anyway, having a little time right now to do things like make candles and putter around the house should put me in a very positive frame of mind. Hopefully making it easier to cut out any and all complaints?
Either way, I am anxious to get the hot plate heated up and to get that second pour on the go! I can’t wait to get this one out of the mold and onto the altar.
In light and love,
Jennnq
Critical Happiness 