Category: wellness

Stay Fabulous

Today I put on a real outfit and makeup, as if I was going somewhere.  I even added dark lipstick and a fancy scarf. No use in going halfway.

I did it for myself.  Jason certainly isn’t someone who is hung up on whether or not I wear makeup, and I don’t think my teenage son could be convinced into caring.  

But I care, and I guess that’s the point.  Bothering with lipstick and straightening my hair is kinda stupid right now, even I know that.  But it’s NOT stupid really, if it makes me feel better. These actions play tricks on the mind. I feel better and more productive if I’ve bothered to “pull myself together.”

I have other friends who don’t seem to need this. They have fully embraced being at home.  They have dispensed with rigid schedules. Some have even taken to drinking at odd hours, and/or rolling out of bed in the afternoon.  

I don’t judge these friends, but I know I can’t do it.  In fact, a part of me might envy them just a little. I can’t handle the guilt.  Not for me. Maybe some people are better able to relax. Maybe my definition of “relax” has changed over the years.  All I know is, I’d rather feel good.  

It’s so poetic and counterintuitive  that there is freedom to be found in structure.  Weird to say, but I guess I like structure.  I like having a morning routine to set me to rights, and a night routine to put myself to bed.  These things can become indispensable companions in a world that’s topsy turvy. 

But that’s just how I am.  I have to take myself in hand as if I were a toddler.  I have to almost forcefully apply direction to my life.  There must be a schedule. I must get dressed. I must attempt to log my food and keep up with my water drinking.  I must have a list of things to do, and I must keep working on it.

I KNOW that right now feels like the perfect time to indulge, but ultimately, eating and drinking too much in my PJ’s is not going to make me feel like my best self.  Instead, it will make me feel depressed and out of shape. I cannot just hang around and watch movies, unless I want to experience an unrelenting guilt spiral about how I’m wasting my time and squandering my talent.

We’re clearly not all built to cope the same way. Some of us are a little more high-strung in general, and you know who you are…

My anxiety-prone friends, I am talking to you!  You are NOT like that person you know who has adopted a “no rules” approach to life during these trying times.  You can’t do that and feel right in your own head. YOU need to feel like you’re doing something. (Trust me, I know you!) 

If I could pass along one piece of advice, it would be this: make a dang schedule.  Even if you are the only one forcing yourself to adhere to it, treat that schedule as sacred and follow it to the best of your ability.  Get more done. Feel more accomplished. Give your day defined tasks and significance.

Oh yeah, and exercise about twice as much as you think you should! (Especially if you’re working from home.)  I’m finding lately that even though I have to force myself to go for walks, they are truly a miracle for my mood, and I always need to go for about twice as long as I initially want to.  Getting outdoors makes a person feel more free, which we all need right now!

Oh!  And lipstick.  Never underestimate the pick-me-up power of a great lipstick. 

Yours in light, life, love and isolated fabulousness,

Jennnq

The Upside of Jealousy

No one is proud of being jealous.

It never makes you look any better.  It’s not exactly endearing or cute. Because it’s such a negative feeling, it is often assumed that jealousy is to be fully avoided.  After all, being jealous does nothing to improve your life, right?

Worse, since it is seen as a “bad” feeling, most of us will do our damndest to pretend it’s not there at all.  We’ll shove it aside, ignore it or try to out-think it. I’m not jealous!  Of course I applaud my friend’s successes!  We assure ourselves that we’re happy for that coworker who just went on her dream vacation.  We can’t stop smiling about so-and-so’s fabulous wedding. We’re genuinely excited to see that acquaintance’s impressively-ripped fitness selfies! 

Except of course that we’re all human, and watching other people succeed can make you feel like your own life is lacking.  That’s ok. Experiencing jealousy is completely normal. Wait, let me say it again, just in case you missed it…

Getting jealous is normal.

It doesn’t make you bad, or immoral.  It is not proof that you are a terrible person or a terrible friend.  It doesn’t mean that you are weak, or that you have failed. It only means that you’re jealous, which is a thing that happens sometimes, and when it does happen it’s worth exploring.

Why? Because far from being something we should shove aside and deny, jealousy is actually useful. Jealousy shows us what we’re missing and where we can improve. It can illuminate your path for you.  What if your jealousy is really a compass, trying to show you which way to go in life?

You may notice that you never get jealous of people doing things you have no interest in. Instead, people tend to develop envy around others with similar backgrounds, experiences and life goals. You’re more likely to be jealous of someone who is a lot like you, but who has accomplished something that you haven’t. .  

For instance, there is a much greater chance of my experiencing jealousy over someone’s successful writing career than over how well they play football.  I may be able to admire a player’s physical strength, ability and speed, but I can’t imagine watching a football game and feeling envy! But then, it’s not as if I ever dreamed of becoming a football player.  It’s not something I have any emotional connection to.

Jealousy, on the other hand, is deeply emotional.  It awakens a dissonance within us. It reminds us of the distance between our actual achievements and our dreams.   This internal dissonance between reality and our goals is a wonderful clue as to where we should focus our efforts. You don’t need to internally reprimand yourself for being jealous.  The important thing is how you deal with it.

Because, yes, there’s definitely a wrong way!  There’s a reason why jealousy has a bad reputation.  Shoving down your jealousy until you can’t take it anymore, denying it or letting it fester will almost certainly produce disastrous results.  Instead, we must strive to hold jealousy up to the light for further examination.  

Notice that I am not talking about blaming yourself, I am only saying that you should acknowledge those feelings.  Observe them without judgement. Ok, this person has inspired this uncomfortable feeling. Why? What’s this person got that you ain’t got? (Be as specific and detailed with yourself as possible!) What do you feel is lacking in that area of your life?  What can you start doing to change that? This type of analysis is insanely valuable. Your jealousy is really motivation in disguise. Use that jealousy to help you uncover what is making these successful people so successful, and then channel that fire into your own efforts.

A funny thing happens when you analyse jealousy, too.  It tends to fall apart. Seriously! Typically, once you’ve teased apart your jealousy enough to understand your own motivations, you’ve taken all of the vitriol out of the feeling.  After all, YOU got jealous because something is unfulfilled in YOUR life. Now that you’ve acknowledged this (instead of burying it), it’s easy to see that the target of your jealousy is not the problem.  If anything, they were just the messenger.

Once we take on the jealousy and work through it, it will lose its power.  Then the jealousy becomes a little friendlier. Softer. Much more socially acceptable. Boil jealousy down into its component parts, and I believe that you’ll ultimately be left with inspiration. And feeling inspired to work toward the life of your dreams is something you can be proud of!

 

Reasons to Be Cheerful

I’ve been doing quite a bit of writing lately, but I’m not sure it’s a great idea to put it up here. Some of it is has been more therapeutic than anything else.  It’s been more like ranting than anything I’d want to post publicly.  It’s revealing, but it’s not necessarily what one would consider to be “good content.”

Plus, it’s a bit of a bummer. Who wants to hear about all of the worst stuff in my past and how hard it’s been to get over? What a fun trip that’ll be! 

I thought that maybe instead of an airing of grievances/ inner demons, I would keep today’s post a bit more light. Today, let’s focus on the good stuff.  Today, let’s talk gratitude.

It’s best to skip the “airing of grievances.”
We’re past the time for Festivus, anyway.

It takes a little effort for someone like me to remain cheerful.  One thing that works is to consciously acknowledge the things for which I am grateful.  Yes, sometimes this feels about as appealing to me as eating a big ol’ pile of brussel sprouts, but it’s worth it.  Lately I’ve been forcing myself to take the time to list a minimum of three gratitudes per day. 

Usually, by the time I have made myself come up with the 3 things for my gratitude list, I have also managed to force my brain to cheer up, at least a little. It’s weird.  It’s like this act tricks your brain into switching gears.  Something magical happens when you make a point of remembering to think of things you’re grateful for, even when you don’t feel like it.

With apologies to Ian Dury, here is a very incomplete list of “reasons to be cheerful” I’ve found lately:

  • Cats when they are excited and playing
  • Fireplaces ablaze in winter
  • Jason having to drive me to work and being totally awesome about it
  • Neil Gaiman’s writing
  • Amethyst crystals
  • Pretty notebooks
  • Chats with Micah (my son)
  • Waffles’ cold green eyes (my cat)
  • Really amazing highlighters
  • How pretty it looks when it’s snowing
  • Earmuffs (so cute!)
  • That so many of my co-workers are nice
  • Working with my physiotherapist
  • Pay day
  • The entire fact that cats exist
  • Weird dreams that make you question things
  • Raspberries
  • Black tea
  • The fact that Jason still loves me
  • Fancy coffee from Toslow (tiny coffee shop here)
  • The Ridiculous History podcast
  • Warm showers
  • Truly smooth jazz
  • Amy Landino videos (she’s a little too perfect, but she’s so inspirational!)
  • Things that are lime green
  • How good it feels to hold a mug of warm coffee
  • Shiny lipgloss
  • Suddenly finding an object you lost
  • Curry
  • Wearing cat ears at work (I do this alllll the time!)
  • How truly kind and thoughtful Jason is
  • Sesame snaps
  • People who smile at you and hold doors

It’s not earth-shattering stuff, but it’s so valuable to remember these little things.  Even the act of writing out this list (taken from my daily gratitude lists this past while) has put me in a better mood.

Not to get all “productivity guru” on you, but I encourage you to make a habit of writing down a few gratitudes a day.  I never used to do it either, but it’s so uplifting  Gratitude is worth it!  It pretty much always improves your mental state and perspective.

Oh, and here’s the Ian Dury song I stole for my title.  Gotta love The Blockheads!

 

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The Hard Truth of Managing Your Own Happiness

(How to Avoid Feeling Like a Smooshed Grape)

I’ve gotten to this slightly jaded place, where if you start talking to me about vision boards, or even mention the “law of attraction,” I start to feel a sense of cringe.  A small part of me wants to roll my eyes. I guess I’m feeling more sceptical about all of that fluffy-bunny woo-woo stuff these days.

I don’t fully mean that of course.  In fact, I’m making fun of myself just a little here.  I’m pretty fluffy-bunny woo-woo. I’m no stranger to crystals and pendulums, herbs, essential oils, tarot cards or healing energy.  I love all of that stuff. I just don’t think it’s wise to make the mistake of thinking that anything can replace hard work, motivation or perseverance.

I’ve mentioned this before, but I’m still a little resentful of some of the new age philosophy I bought into as a teenager (and stuck with throughout my early twenties). I’ve got a little baggage going on, because I now believe that I was only getting half of the answer.  Somehow, I had absorbed the message that if you just visualized hard enough, things would fall into place.  

This is perfectly encapsulated with the whole idea of “the cursed how’s.”  I remember reading things that were literally telling me that I didn’t need to worry about the steps to accomplishing my dreams, aka “the cursed how’s.”  I only needed to focus on the end result. The Universe would take care of that pesky bit in the middle.  

Utter malarkey, of course.  

Yes, visualizing is good.  Yes, I think you should practice it.  Heck, you should get SO GOOD at visualizing that you are able to practically smell your dreams manifesting.  You should get as involved in your visualization as possible. You should try 100% to make it real for yourself.

And THEN, and see, this is the bit I was missing, you have to come back down to earth and make a plan as to how to get there.  You MUST consider the “cursed how’s,” because your day only has so many hours in it.  You have to turn your goals into step-by-step actions. Houses don’t buy or clean themselves.  Abs don’t magically arrive just because you visualized the perfect body. Getting caught up in a daydream of end results is not the same as rolling up your sleeves and putting in the effort. You cannot wait for the Universe to pluck you out of obscurity and say, This one.  I pick this one. This one’s special.  Trust me.  Tried it. It doesn’t work.

Please bare in mind that all of this is coming from a self-confirmed New Age hippie.  I believe we can do a lot with our energy. I think there’s more to the world than meets the eye.  Yes, I even believe that you can attract a better life by improving your energy. However, you also have to accept your role in the transformation.   As Hunter S. Thompson once said, “Pray to God, but row away from the rocks.”

All of this doesn’t just apply to big life stuff, like dream houses, finding true love, or losing 50lbs. I think it also applies to your daily emotional wellbeing.  Like, you have to take charge of your own happiness. You have to build it yourself, and protect it, and work on it, or it may not stick around.

I don’t know… maybe other people have a more robust, durable sort of happiness, but mine is not.  Mine needs tending to like some kind of fussy, exotic flower garden.  

I journal to deal with my “flower garden” of feelings, and the other day I wrote this: 

I feel like I am being smooshed like grapes for wine.  Like someone is dancing on my soul. Like they are gleefully crushing it beneath their disgusting bare feet.  (Ha. These days, I’m not even so hung up on the wine, just the smooshing.)

Ok, so my soul is being smooshed.  What now? Do other writer-types feel this way?  Do they feel like their 9-5 is sucking away their creative potential?  Their time? Their energy?  

Ha ha.  I’m writing this while sitting in the waiting room at the doctor’s office and Sheryl Crow’s “If it Makes You Happy” just started playing.  Personally, I think that was a little heavy-handed of the radio.

Yeah, my personal journal rants and a little dramatic, but the bad feeling of being “crushed” was, I think, due to my lack of organization/motivation in keeping up my own happiness-inducing habits.  For me, those habits, those “cursed how’s” are so important. My fussy, exotic flower garden requires: adequate and regular sleep, cardio and strength training contained in 4-6 workouts a week, time for writing, time for reading, time for singing, healthy well-balanced plant-based meals, time for meditation and time spent with friends and family.  If I start lacking in any one area, I am off. Life is bad. My emotions get…well, you saw the journal entry!

The only way to get it all done, and to avoid the “my soul is being smooshed” feeling, seems to be to schedule my life, and then maintain the motivation to actually carry through with my plans.  

I’m drawing attention to that last bit because I feel like that’s where I tend to fall down.  I can come up with a great schedule/plan and then get distracted, or get busy with something else, and all of a sudden it’s 10:30PM, and my real goals for the day are yet to be accomplished.

And I wind up feeling like a smooshed grape.

Vision board away.  Feel free to send your hopes and prayers.  (You can even send ‘em my way!) Maintain a rule of “good vibes only.”  Just remember, it’s still you who has to put in the grind and the effort.  You are the only one capable of rowing away from the rocks.

The Gremlin Rides at 5:45

It started at 5:45 this evening.  It began as a tiny whisper. Something about it having been a “stressful” Monday, and how nice a big glass of red would be.  

Just one. It nagged at me, as it tried to convince me that one glass of wine was downright healthy.  Perfect with dinner.  A great way to unwind. You deserve to unwind!

The gremlin kept up, off and on, in the back of my mind, but still somehow “present” until about 9:30.  I think at that point it finally realized that I meant business.   

What a strange mental phenomenon.  Kinda fascinating when you try to observe it impartially.  It truly rears its head like a separate voice. It talks to you.  It tries everything it can to reason with you. It has a twisted sense of logic.  

It’s pretty gross that this thing can be borne in a person’s head, just because of alcohol.  I definitely don’t want for my gremlin to grow. Nope. Don’t need anymore voices in my head. I’m already stocked up, thanks. 

No gremlins have been fed this night.

Another Look at Alcohol

Recently I said something about quitting alcohol.

Er…about that…  Yep, you guessed it, regrettably, this effort did not stick. I don’t think that I took it seriously enough.  I backslid. I fell back into red wine, and also I drank fancy gin and tonics over the Christmas holidays.  (I highly enjoyed them. Amazing with limes.)

However, I owe it to myself to give this another go and to actually quit drinking.  I don’t want to get all “new year, new me” on you, but now seems like an appropriate time to revisit this goal.

Also, since I am actually blogging all the time now, I can update you regularly on my progress.  (Accountability! Why not?)

In completely different news, I filled the most darling little potion bottle with something to boost my confidence and efficacy at work the other night.  Perhaps I should give more detail tomorrow. That way, I can finally put something on this site under “spells”? It seems rather a shame to let that entire heading go to waste.

Anywho, I’m quite late for bed…

Cheers,

Jennnq

Quitting “The Game”

I cringe when I go somewhere and see everyone staring at their phones.  Oddly, it reminds me of this one episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation. The episode I’m thinking of shows up in  season 5. It came out in 1991, and is titled “The Game.”  In it, Wesley comes back to the Enterprise after a vacation to find the crew acting like a bunch of zombies.  It’s because they’re all so absorbed in an addictive electronic game. Here’s a link to the trailer:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I3ih-sm6hxA

I have always loved this episode!  Also, when cellphones first started to become more of a thing, I found myself thinking back to it a lot.  Retroactively, I saw it as a bit of forewarning. But then, I also thought that we wouldn’t really lose ourselves to our electronic devices. I thought we’d notice how distracted it was making us before it got too late. We’d realize that we all look stupid and collectively resolve NOT to gaze into our screens slack-jawed and thirsting only to be mindlessly entertained.  I guess I had just hoped that something would come along and “Wesley Crusher” us out of the whole crisis. But no, people go even more places now staring at their phones. They just can’t get enough.

That “can’t get enough” thing really isn’t surprising.  Your phone is made to be addictive. People are being paid lots and lots of money to make sure that your phone is as addictive as possible.  It’s a colourful explosion of entertainment, and it’s constantly right there, at arm’s length, begging you to indulge. 

And we all like to indulge.  Society does very little to help us control this urge.  The attitude of “I work hard, I deserve it,” is highly prevalent, and it affects us whether we’re talking about material goods, calorie-laden foods or screen time. It’s incredibly tempting to waste what little truly “free” time you have playing on your phone.  You want to take a little break, so you turn on a screen. 4 hours later, you’re stuck wondering where the time went.

I get it.  I really do.  Like I said, phones and other electronics are designed to be addictive, and I have definitely found myself hours deep down a YouTube rabbit hole once or twice. I’m guilty of using electronics as a numbing agent…as a source of distraction from the real world, even though it’s a tendency that really grosses me out.

So, I try to take steps to curb my phone use, and aim for responsible parameters.  I have an app on my phone that blocks my access to some other apps (eg. YouTube, Facebook) at certain times.  I turn my phone off at night. I try to be aware of how much time I’m spending. Sometimes I still mess up.

I’ve noticed something though…my brain goes haywire in silence.  It replays an often-surprising assortment of music. I have weird, unexpected thoughts.  Associations between things come to me out of nowhere. It isn’t anything like the instant pleasure of a glowing screen, but silence is the easiest way to get to the good stuff in your mind. 

What a strange world this is.  Any spare moment without some kind of buzzing, whirring entertainment happening is practically a rare jewel.  It’s painful sometimes to say “no” and to create the space for silence, but it truly changes everything.

I intend to spend more time in stillness and silence in 2020.  I don’t think I’ve ever really wanted to play “The Game” to begin with.

Embracing the Night Owl

Goddammit.

I look at my watch and realize I’ve done it again. It’s already 6:30am, not 5am, like I had hoped.  I didn’t get up early enough.  Again.  Now all of my plans are down the tubes, and I know that I’m going to have to rush to make it out the door on time. Ugh. I feel instantly defeated. I’m starting the day behind.

The defeated feeling makes it easier to stay in bed for another couple of minutes. After all, I already know that I don’t have time to write, or to sneak in a workout. I have once again failed at being a zen ninja who gets up at 5 and does ALL THE THINGS.  I’ve failed at being someone who doesn’t have to rush, and who actually looks good by the time they get to work.  Dammit.  Dammit.  Dammit.

I know that disappointed feeling so well.  It got there after years of swallowing so many self-help books, blog posts and podcasts from productivity gurus. It’s there from all of those moments when I heard and believed the messaging we get about early risers. They are the accomplished people among us. They are the ones out there getting the proverbial worms. I don’t know about you, but it’s a message I’ve gotten from childhood; like brushing your teeth and getting regular exercise, getting up early is wholesome. Beneficial. Good.

Let’s just face it; it’s how society is geared. I know that I was taught that “sleeping in” meant laziness. “Sleeping in” meant you weren’t out there seizing the day. No one looks down on an early riser.  The 9-5 work day has long been the standard. School starts before 9AM. Plus, you early birds have the comfort of knowing that you are following in the footsteps of some truly great people. Ben Franklin? Early riser. Oprah? Crack of dawn. Michelle Obama? On the treadmill by 4:30AM.

I bought into those productivity goals hardcore. I set them for myself. And I tried. I mean, I really tried to make it work. 

Until one day, after another frustrating morning, when I was sick of beating myself up as soon as I was awake enough to do so, I realized that I was constantly fighting my natural tendency, and maybe it was wiser to not battle against myself.   Like, maybe mornings really aren’t for me.  Maybe that’s ok.  Maybe there’s another way.

The thought alone was freeing.  I’m a night owl.  I don’t relish early mornings.  Never really have.  That’s alright. I’m great at staying up late.

It was one of those unique moments in life when the puzzle piece just fits.  It feels like something just goes “click” in your brain, and you’re able to look back on your life with new perspective.  (In my case, I realized that the price I’ve been paying for being a night owl is a lot of grumpy, rushed mornings and self-blame.) It helped me realize that I wasn’t just continuously “failing.”  It may be that I simply am not designed to perform at my best early in the day.  Which explains why I never managed to adjust to early mornings, even after years of trying.  Every morning I felt like I was struggling to get things done, and still barely making it out the door.

Realizing that I’ve just swallowed a lot of pro-morning propaganda has brought about a feeling of liberation almost akin to a religious epiphany; it’s given me so much more joy in my dark little heart. I’ve always had more fun at night and been a night person. Squishing myself into that perceived more “wholesome”day-friendly schedule has been nothing short of painful.

Such an obvious thing to overlook in myself and to never have respected properly. Well, I get it now, and I won’t continue to punish myself for my own nature. It might not be what so many gurus recommend, but I have to do what works for me.  I already know that letting go of this expectation and changing my schedule a bit is making me happier.

 

 

A Large Afternoon…

Today has turned out dandy. ☀️Warmer than expected. I picked up a bunch of litter. 🍃Got some surf rock turned up🌊, and getting to some deck-friendly fitness.🏃‍♀️🤜 #Gratitude #GettingItDone

Harder to Feel Hopeful

I recently saw the news about Canada warming twice as quickly as expected thanks to climate change.

You’d think this news would be enough to put the environment front and center regardless of political party. But it’s not. Somehow it’s still not.

I also recently read that the Ontario government is canceling a massive tree planting initiative.

I hate to be one of those “think of the children” people, but we aren’t leaving them with much if we can’t even promise them air to breathe.

IT’S SO FRUSTRATING.