I’ve come back to blow the dust bunnies off this blog. Surprise! (Especially if you’re subscribed via email, and it’s been about a million years since I’ve shown up in your inbox.) Huh? Who is this woman? What’s this foolishness I’m subscribed to? Surely, I didn’t sign up for this…
Well, you did. (Or, you’ve just managed to stumble across this blog, in which case, I’m sorry. Um… I mean…hello. I am a very average, and emotionally stable person. I’m sure you’ll find this blog to be nothing short of an inspiration.)
Now that we’re here together, we may as well make the best of it. Waste of a perfectly good website otherwise. I mean, I really should be doing something with it.
Should.
Now there’s a word with a bit of baggage attached. There are a lot of things that I “should” do. I should eat a little healthier. I should focus on just one creative project at a time. I should go to bed earlier, and avoid spending too much time on Twitter.
I should. You should. We all should, but it’s tough, and I suppose I’ve been a bit weaker than I would have liked lately.
Remember when the pandemic started, and some people learned to thrive? They got fit, and made jam and baked bread, and wrote sonnets and all that stuff? Well, that wasn’t me. Not to rehash some of what’s already been written in this blog, but I got sad, and gained weight, and became sort of frozen in place. Suffice it to say, I did not adapt well. I did not become a better version of me. It’s been a bit rocky for a while.
Well, whatever. No one needs a sob story from me, and to tell the truth, I don’t really feel like sobbing. I should do better. I can do better.
I turn 40 in a few days, and I think it’s forcing a change in perspective. It’s also forcing some slightly panic-inducing thoughts: I’m 40, and I haven’t done what I’ve set out to do. Like, not even close. I haven’t lived up to that “potential” my teachers were always talking about. How long can I keep putting my hopes and dreams on the shelf? How long do I WANT to keep doing that? Hey, I’m not getting any younger!
(Not for lack of trying! I still believe in fitness, fruits and veggies and great skincare.)
I want to use my creative gifts. I want to feel satisfied when I sleep at night; like my mind and body are consistently being challenged. I need to feel like I’m growing as a person.
So, if I want to write, I have to write. If I want to do standup, I need to do standup. If I want to start a podcast, or a YouTube channel or a dang cult so I can change the world, there is no better time than now.
Doing my damndest to get a jump on this “40” thing,
Jennnq
Critical Happiness 